Sound test

Broadcasting live from Los Angeles.

God it’s cold. That was the first thing that hit my mind lol! When I got out of the airport terminal it was slightly after 1pm (LA time) and the sun was up, bright and shining. Then this one helluva wind blew-some sorta “welcome to LAX” kinda visitor greeting that they’ve got installed somewhere I guess-and it was so alien; totally didn’t match the cheery surroundings! (kampung boy aka jakun speaking here) Think Cameron Highlands and you get the idea.

Anyway, broadcasting live on revolving frequencies…will holler when I’m in Ottawa. Cheers!=D

the manifesto

Hello people. For a long time I have known that someday it would come to this moment – and that awaited moment has arrived. That moment is now.

In my mind I had about a thousand different scenarios of how this moment would turn out to be. I could have been sneaking up to my parents’ bedroom to use the computer and instantaneously post it on my blog; maybe I would be given an entire night by my parents to finish off everything I had in mind; maybe I even would have to go online via my trusty Nokia 6680 and post it there. I even briefly flirted with the idea of writing this excerpt when I would be nested safe and sound in Brooks Residence at the University of Ottawa, halfway across the world in Ontario….but circumstances have dictated that this is how it will turned out to be.

Again, hello people. I am now sitting in my room, using my laptop; my bags are packed and they are all in front of me: one huge Polo bag; it’s sister, a medium-sized case, and the Kopetro bag used to designate a Petronas scholar. And we are all ready and raring to go.

As I type this, I am currently the only scholar from Taylor’s ICPU programme to have not left the country – excluding those who didn’t make it, of course. To them I can only say that I heartily wish our education experiences together would have gone on for longer than it has. You are left, but never forgotten. My other fellow scholars have already left – JPA hit the road as early as the 20^th, and the entire Petronas batch just left yesterday evening (the 26th). And where are they going? Various places – I cite the examples of the University of Toronto, the University of British Columbia, University of Alberta, Carleton University – there’s even one going to the number one university in Canada I believe – McGill, and the list goes on…and now it’s my turn to head off to the University of Ottawa.

Wow. It has certainly been one helluva journey. I’ll be frank and honest: post SPM in the Royal Military College, I never dreamed of being given an opportunity to attempt for an overseas scholarship, much less the offer itself. All I had planned to do was enrol a Form 6 course (no disrespect to all the Form 6 students out there), pray to God my results were a bit on the pretty side, and hopefully obtain an offer of admission to a local university. I remember I had hopes for a place at Universiti Malaya or Universiti Putra Malaysia at the time (I did get an offer for Universiti Teknologi Malaysia somewhere in May 2006 though!) which would ease the financial burden off my parents and hopefully send me into the working world with enough to get me own my way.

But how things have differed. I guess Someone Up There, and also someone in Petronas HR saw something in me and gave me the opportunity which, up to April 2006, was something that I merely dreamt about. I still maintain an absolute shock at the quality of my SPM results (9A1, 1A2) but I suppose (and hope a lot) that I have somehow merited my place in the Petronas Convertible Loan program. And I fully intend to justify the faith shown in me, which is why you are looking at this post. Welcome to my public, online manifesto.

Before I go on to write my promises to myself and the world, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the following people who have enriched my life in so many ways, and without realizing it (most of the time) helped bring me to where I am today. Thank you, and God bless you all. I apologize for all the shortcomings I have had.

At the top of my list….

God. Thank You so so much. You have no idea how much this opportunity means to me; I am so so grateful. You alone know my thoughts and fears, and I know no better safety.

Dad. I have never told you that for so long, you have been my role model and the person I always look up to, up to the point that when I’m up to my waist in the deepest shit that I am able to get myself into, I always ask myself what would Dad do if he were in my shoes? I know and realize that in so many ways, I am not the son you wanted – I have numerous flaws, am complacent, am not technical and at times even border on being an embarassment, I know. Ten years ago I lost your trust. I have never forgotten that moment, and I certainly hope that over the years I have regained what I lost a decade ago. And I have no doubt whatsoever that your loyalty to your company has helped saved your eldest son from useless oblivion.

Mum. If angels really existed in this world, you would be their mentor. I have never met anyone who has loved me as much, and yet received so little in practical return. I remember when I was suspected of having come down with dengue just a few months back, you stayed up the whole night to look after my shivering and sweating figure. I have made so many mistakes against you, and I know that one day there’ll be hell to pay, for which I will never be ready. The person I wanna leave behind the least is you. Thanks for everything.

Wayne and Michelle. Just because you guys share a slot doesn’t mean I love you both any less. Brother first – you have been my playmate since I was four, and if there was a person I should heartily apologize for my misdeeds against, it would be you. Thanks for the wonderful years of brotherhood. I do believe there is potential in you to do something – you surprised us all by your achievements in the UPSR and the PMR, and I ask that you do it again for your SPM. Do it for Mum. And no matter what, big brother is always here for you. He may get mad easily, but he is always here. Mich – you were the first person I was given the opportunity to carry, and I will never forget how small and light you once were. You’re a big girl now, and I pray for your success and challenge you to beat me at everything I have done. I take no bets for real fear of losing.

The rest of my family for making us what we all are.

Wan Mohd Farisman Wan Othman. Truly you are like an elder brother to me, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You held together my broken heart, twice; were the only individual there for me when all others weren’t, and gave me the boosts I always needed. We’ve had our shits, and the Farisman-Irving clinic will never be a reality, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be as close as hell won’t we? I’ve never had a real best friend, but I’d say that you come real damn close. Thanks bro.

My sponsors. Thanks for the opportunity.

And to the rest of you…

(in no particular order)

ICPU scholars July 2006-2007. The Brady Bunch of all students, I salute each and every one of you.

SAM MARA scholars July 2006. You guys rock, big time. A special tribute to my three dinner mates. Hardooo gayyyy…

Royal Military College Society Of United Liberated Seniors (SOULS) 2002-2005. You guys taught me the meaning of friendship, cooperation, at that there always are ties that bind. A special shoutout to my squadmates of G Coy 2002-2005 and the Royal Vetoes.

All members of the RMC Debate Teams from 2002-2005 (I understand after I left it was named the DLDU). Win the bloody PPM Trophy. And IIUM if you can manage it. And HELP. And Datuk Wira. Sapu everything lah – we are RMC what. Tiada yang tak tahu, tiada yang tak boleh, tiada yang I dunno what else. Salutation to Al-Azim and Ayap, my fave pilots of all time.

My RMC seniors of the LORDS, Vanguards and Retrogrades (hope you know what your batch name means by the way) batches – the walking School of Hard Knocks.

My scattered classmates of SMK Rantau Petronas, SK Rantau Petronas and Tadika Rantau Petronas. All the best to all of you.

Everyone else who I am yet to name. Only you know you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

This is my promise to all of you.

I will take every opportunity that comes my way in Canada and make the best of it. I will work as I always have, and then even harder to prove to myself one final time that I merit my place in the overseas program. I will come back with a B.Sc, at least Majoring, if not Specializing, in Geology – with First Class Honors, no less. I will enjoy every moment of the opportunity granted to me and value every second of it. I promise not to lose sight of what I was and what I am, and come back a better individual with less flaws, God willing. I will get in touch with as many people as possible before I go, and let them know that they are not forgotten. I will build up an international network of contacts. I promise not to produce any children in Canada by accident or intent (Goddammit I’m serious lah). I will leave with a dream and come back with a plan. I will participate to the best of my ability in everything presented in my way. I will not slack and show my weaknesses. I will not give up. Time shalt not be wasted. I will not waste my desire for writing and the fine arts. I will do my utmost best to return as suitably often as possible. I will grab that job opportunity in Petronas. I will get a job and be able to fend for myself someday. I will be a good husband, father and servant of my family. And I will try to repay each and every one of you, given the chance.

And so I ask for strength to keep these promises, please.

Tears have flowed down my face more than once across these few pages. I hope it sets the precedent and shows an inkling of what exactly I intend to do. Call it melodrama, call it being overemotional, call it what you will – this is my manifesto.

If you can’t do it smart, then do it hard instead.

The march grinds to a halt.

The title above refers to the ongoing status of Like Toy Soldiers, which-as those who have read my blog will know- is the title of my latest effort of fiction. Yes, you read it right, the march grinds to a halt. The first section of the short story (it wasn’t short anymore by the time this halt was called) can still be seen below, under the post entitled “Like Toy Soldiers.”

I didn’t expect it myself you know….it all had been going so well for so so long…days of writing in the wee hours of the morning, slogging away with a smile on my face, endlessly tweaking at the construct of pure fiction until I was happy-just happy enough to postpone indefinitely the time when I would tweak at it again. 

And I am glad to witness my writing style changing somewhat-it’s now more controlled, more precise it seems. I am trying my utmost hardest to avoid over-writing,  over-spinning my story into the depths of convolution that Mark Twain so feared once. Lol, it’s also Mr Antonio Sarno’s (my English lecturer at ICPU) first-ever comments on the writing works he had the class submit to him.

 Thus, it saddens me to announce that my plans have come to an untimely stop. It’s because….MY MICROSOFT OFFICE PROGRAM BUAT HAL!!!! BLOODY HELL, INGATKAN NAK PUBLISH THE UPDATED ANTEBELLUM AND PARTS OF THE TRIUMVIRATE TAPI TAK JADI!!! Wth!!! >.<

Don’t worry people, Like Toy Soldiers is still in production=) It’s my release that has been scuppered, not the story per se=p

As a reward for presevering through my nutsiness, I hereby officially release the title of the next work I have in mind…it’s a novel, and I intend to take an ENTIRELY different direction from which I have taken prior to this with it-I have done wars and battles, I have done love, I have done autobiographies, but I haven’t done….

Go figure lol! God, I think I’m really back this time=)

And here’s to SUBTERFUDGED,

A novel.

Only For Toy Soldiers.

Step by step, heart to heart,

Left right left ,We all fall down…. like toy soldiers.

Bit by bit, torn apart,

We never win ,

But the battle wages on…..for toy soldiers=)

My Colourgenics Test

Despite the fact that the test was spelled “Colorgenics”, in Canada it is spelt with a ‘u’ so there you go *grins* Hi people! I haven’t been blogging in a bit, as pre-flying shopping and documentation duties are throwing me all over the place. But I promise that once I’m up and about on my blog I will be up and about on my blog=D

Anyway, this post is about Abigail Lee….eh eh wth wth. Cross that. This post is about a certain ColoUrgenics Test (=p) which I took by following a link on a blog belonging to a friend of mine – wave Mel wave! – and I decided to post it here. Was told that it is very the God damn accurate so I just had to try it out for myself, albeit a tad later than I expected-see above “blog-delaying” reasons, ladies and gentlemen.

Btw, I am not here to scrutinize its accuracy from top to bottom, but I will fill in as I see fit-cheers! Here goes people:

COLOURGENICS TEST FOR IRVING TAN ZHI MIAN 20082007:

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can ‘do it’ and what is more, you will – without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others. Yes.

You are lazy – you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security. A bit of a shocker, but the idealistic self in me says…yes.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.Matters have not gone well for you. A sad affirmative, and a testy yes to the second bit.

You are experiencing severe stress trying to guard yourself from further disappointments. It would seem that all of your hopes and dreams have not been realised and you are now beginning to doubt yourself. You no longer wish to be further advised by anyone and you insist on going it alone – to control your own destiny. Even though deep down you doubt whether things will get better in the future you have one consolation – and that is that they couldn’t possibly get worse. Unwilling to give up anything that you possess, you are looking for some sort of security as a protection against any further setback or loss of position and prestige. You are so negative that you tend to exaggerate your problems and refuse to accept any advice from so called well-meaning friends. Tell me something you don’t know for once.Lol.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right – maybe you are – but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders – try it and see. Yes, yes and I hand you a no at the end.

COLOURGENICS ENDS HERE.

This part of the post contained something entirely different last night. It was the sound of me in denial with the results of the random colour test. I had the whole night to think about it, and I can’t help but think that the more I reflect over it, the truer it sounds. Some of you may say it’s just a test, but even so, it is a scarily accurate one. I don’t intend to pour my sorrows on this public page-I refuse to be a whiner-but I just can’t help but recall how certain events may indeed justify what that Colorgenics test said. Yeah yeah I’m so confused I’m begrudging it the ‘u’.

I do maintain however, that the test does have a certain grey area where it appears to conflict with its comments at points, but I begrudge that because of the revelation it has brought to you. Imagine, someone wlaking out to you and pouring out the status quo of your head and heart without a whimper of an explanation as to what makes it so obvious. Wargh. Keep up with me and my random crapping. My head is a quad core processor when it comes to thoughts on my past and fears for the future.

Never mind that the test makes me out to be some kind of broken-hearted loser in need of help (lol). Call this what you want, a reality check, self-diagnostic, your own soliloquic aside. I just know that I really need to improve. This was never what I thought I was.

And though time goes by, I will always be/

In a club with you in 1973

Singing here we go, again.

Soldiering on…

Like Toy Soldiers is giving me a headache-the groundwork is there but it ain’t gelling together *takes a deep breath*

 *you wanna write right, you wanna write right*

Yes I do, by God I do. The Antebellum will be updated and work on the Triumvirate will begin. This is the first half-decent story and groundwork that I’ve had in ages and I won’t let it go to waste. And at the back of my mind (I hear/ Time’s winged chariot drawing near-LOL random stuff-it’s from a poem in English 4U=p) there are whisperings of a third attempt at the Children of the Moon…but one step at a time, one step at a time..

Because Deus Scientiarum Dominus Est.

Anticipating Starcraft 2

I just dropped by Blizzard Entertainment’s official website for their upcoming RTS Starcraft 2; and I have to say it looks SWEET! The website has been online for quite a bit, and the latest addition is that of the Terrans-their section is up now and will be updated from time to time=D

I’ve loved the Starcraft series ever since I was around eleven and I just can’t wait to get my hands on THIS one! Many of the traditional (and classic) units have made a return, eg the Protoss Zealots, Terran Ghosts and the expendable Marines, but the show stopper has got to be the new units they’ve thrown in. But before I start gushing over them, note that there appears to be substantial changes in the aforementioned “traditional” units.

The Zealots, for one, apparently have this new ‘charge’ feature which enables them to close in on their enemies at high speed. I say this is interesting because it implies that the Zealots may be even better at rushing opposing ground forces (remind me not to play Zerg with the Protoss any more lol!), and not to mention, the permanent removal of the Leg Enhancement upgrade?

Moving on to the Dragoons-they’re not there anymore lol. Apparently now the Protoss have the Immortals, which are like dragoons in a sense save that their shields are specially designed against heavy assault; another interesting feature methinks. Then we have the return of the Terran marines, the expendable but effective infantry-no changes here actually.

The Terran Ghost seems to have escaped pre-development unscathed as well-but one thing I notice is their nuclear warhead targetting system. They used to be a sneaky dot which one could easily hide in the shadow of buildings, masses of soon-to-be-toasted units etc….now it’s a massive one helluva icon flashing around on the screen. How am I ever gonna sneak a nuke up on my friends after this? >.< Improvise lol!

The Protoss race is all new units after the Zealots and the Dragoons Immortals. They have the Phoenix fighter (bye-bye Protoss scout?) which looks to be a quirky thing that destroy mass enemies by employin unorthodox tactics; the Stalker (Dark Templar version of the Aiur Dragoons?)-lightly armoured but with a ‘blink’ ability that allows it to teleport over small distances; the Colossus, a colossal (what adjective did you think I was gonna use ?=p) walking behemoth with heat-ray-like weapons….and the list goes on=D

The Terran section has only a quartet of units-the most interesting addition has to be the Viking, a walking machine equipped with gatling cannons. The catch? It can turn itself (transform more like-anyone wanna take a guess which movie Blizzard got the idea from?=p) into a Viking fighter plane as well! The other new addition is the Reaper, an infantry unit that operates much like the Rocketeer from Red Alert 2. Shoudl eb interesting to have a swarm of the buzzards eh? *evil grin* Wawawawa….can’t wait.

A little speculation here, but I think that the Terran Goliath is gonna be removed too, as the Viking pretty much does all the Goliath ever could and more. Haha, never had any great shakes for the Goliath before (except as mobile AA guns) so yay!=p

On a more personal note, I didn’t like the Phoenix fighter too much. I mean, it’ll be okay if the Scout or at least the Dark Templar Corsair remains…but if the Phoenix removes them…>.< Cause the Phoenix seems kinda lame as an air superiority fighter, with its cheap looking weapons and all. Granted, the Protoss have the Warp Ray unit as well, but I dunno…maybe I’ve gotten over-attached to the anti-matter missile power of the old Scouts.

And (does anyone agree?) the Protoss seem overtly strong this time around-especially if that mothership of theirs gets past development and come into play. Imagine a whole swarm of Warp Rays, backed by Tempests-escorting a firing mothership whilst flying over a horde of speeding Zealots-and flanked with Colossus firepower *shudders* I think the Terrans aren’t my weapon of choice anymore lol=p

But in any case, it all looks dandy-although my guess is that the game needs at leats another year of development and balance work before we actually get to jiggle with it. But I’ll wait…I’ll get a copy in Canada if I have to lol=) I’m crossing my fingers for juicer Terran armada, and hopefully the Zergs get more nefarious this time around=D

Till then, I’m off to playing Starcraft: Brood War again-gotta refresh my memory of the story=p

Cheers!

EN TARO ADUN!!!! And I hope Atif finally thinks that this is an article he finds hard to comment on hahaha.

Pictures taken from http://www.starcraft2.com.

It’s starting to sink in….

Ottawa looms in the distance. And it’s not so distant actually….next thing I know I’ll be saying goodbye to all my family and friends, then showing my invitation letter to Customs at Canada, then agonizing over my subjects and marks.

 Lol.

 Deus Scientiarum Dominus Est.
(God is the Lord of Knowledge)

 And yes that’s Ottawa’s motto.

Like toy soldiers maybe?…

A draft of the early bits of Like Toy Soldiers. Would appreciate feedback anytime, if it is available from anyone-I accept comments from everywhere! This is a DRAFT and nothing you see here is final-I tweak my stories a LOT lol. Cheers people!

LIKE TOY SOLDIERS, by Irving Tan Zhi Mian

ANTEBELLUM:

The roads of a city have no real beginning. They just appear, widening out of the narrow dirt roads that form the crux of small towns and estates. These worn channels of human businesses then plunge and twist into the depths of the concrete forest, almost like the very intestines of the monster that many call the urban nightmare.

And almost as quickly as they arrive, they begin to depart. The roads branch out into the darkness, far and away from the many electric eyes of the thing behind it. Tentacle-like they spread, across plains and arid landscapes. Some head into the countryside, mercifully fleeing the dust and smoke that give an eerie life to the snoozing fiend behind it; others turn out to be mere blood vessels, connecting one metropolis to another.

This unnamable city has such roads, each as bland and dusty as the next. To say that its highways are stereotypes is an understatement; almost like saying that global warming is a minor inconvenience. The city itself is out of a book on how to be generic – straddled between two smaller metropolises, its skyscrapers tower over them like monoliths, and the shadows it casts reduce many places to mere slums where the light cannot reach.

But halfway between the two largest concrete blocks of this city, a road suddenly branches out from the main canal and streams steadily towards the edge of town. As it progresses, the city does the reverse. When seated in a car traveling down this road less taken, one can easily notice the dilapidated old buildings replacing the shiny new city blocks; dirt grey pavements slowly giving way vandalized alleyways. The metal jungle takes a while to clear, but when it does God shows you the town which locals call Little Ditch.

The Ditch is located on a plain which register the colour brown to one’s oculars at all times, even if looked at from the windows of one of the city’s smog-blanketed skyscraper hundreds of feet up in the air. This plain stretches for at least twenty miles before the nearest city breaks its momentum, and the only things on it until then are the Ditch and the reason why the Ditch was even built-the Mayak factory.

Before we moved to the Ditch dad told me that this small backwater town was started back in the late eighties, by the workers of the Mayak factory themselves. At the time it was little more than a row of squatter houses, and one could easily differentiate the foreman’s house from that of the common drones-look for the house with walls not made out of rotten plywood.

As the factory grew, so did Little Ditch. The industrial boom arrived to the locale in full swing, and Mayak Co. Ltd decided it had to keep chasing the gravy train. Thus for the first few months of the early nineties the factory would hire new workers every fortnight or so, and when the new employees asked the proprietor where the nearest town was, he pointed over their heads to Little Ditch. At least, that was how I imagined it-it seemed to be the only way to justify the Ditch’s frenzied growth.

People everywhere were rushing to get rich – it was the gold rush all over again, and the Mayak factory was one of the best mines in town. Job opportunities were as plentiful as the dust that was vented from the Mayak iron horse at the end of every workday for a good many years. Things stayed that way for a while.

Then in 1997 George Soros got uppity – that’s how Dad always phrased the economic downturn to me – and the Mayak Company was hit hard. Its workers, now numbering in the hundreds, could only guess at what was coming; the goldmine had collapsed – the well-paid miners had to go.

Before each of the Mayak employees knew it, they were handed a month’s wages and pushed out the door. Retrenchment became the way of this brave new world, and the Ditch slowly fell back to being the slum that it was at the very beginning as people began moving out. In its prime, the settler town had a row of terrace home stays coupled with lower-priced town houses; the population was battering the census’ doors with a relatively astronomical number of three hundred, and – despite its rather poor locale in terms of environmental stability – was one of the best places to stay outside of the monster that many call the city.

By the time our car pulled up the driveway of their new home, we the Fynn’s were the proud owners of one of the few town houses left standing; the other houses were contributing to society – their bricks and mortar walled at least a dozen churches and schools in the city nearby. As we got out of the car and stepped on the Ditch’s soil for the first time, we felt like we’d lived there for years – there was a certain air of familiarity about the place.

In the months to come I would attribute it to Dad’s hours-long lecture on the Ditch’s history on the drive to our new home. The four Fynns – Dad, Mum, my sister Grace and I – now stood on the driveway, each with our own thoughts.

I thought I knew what each of them were thinking – for one, I could almost see Mum’s brain working on overdrive as she planned how to make this new house of hours a home…replace those grey curtains with one of our white ones, maybe get the kids to do the driveway tomorrow, tidy here tidy there…that’s Mrs. Abigail Fynn for you.

Grace was walking around the driveway, kicking at loose pebbles and stomping around in that slightly haughty way she has…that’s right Gracie, as if we don’t know you’re bummed out about having to move away from your friends…sometimes I wonder if you’re really fourteen, and if I really am a vast three years older than you – the way you act, I’d be relieved if Mum walked into my room one day and suddenly announced that in truth she was the elder sibling.

Dad was fiddling in his pocket for the house keys-he’s the reason why we moved here; the shiny new employment card the Mayak Company gave him last week has been neatly glued onto the dashboard of the family car.

On the other side of the road, one of the Mayak factory’s numerous horns blared and a huge clump of black smoke began to vent from its many funnels. The smoke began to drift west towards the city. Its many pinpricks of light had just begun come on. I looked at Dad-his eyes had misted over, and I knew he was dreaming of a better tomorrow for us all.

My name is Michael Fynn, and a slum though it may be, I hindsight I am glad we moved here to Little Ditch. Because if we hadn’t, I would never have met the boy who would change the way I saw the world – the boy who at that very moment was building a castle of sand in the sandbox beside our house.

At that moment, that boy looked up at me. So absorbed he was in his castle-building that he had only just noticed me. Then my gaze met his; for an infinitesimal moment we looked at each other, really looked at each other…he couldn’t be more than ten years old.

I was face to face for the first and last time with something commensurate to man’s capacity for wonder.

Memories of the quill

There are times when I just wonder what has happened to me and my love for writing. There was a time when I could write everyday, and for hours on end each time, loving every single moment of spinning myself into my own world. I just loved the feel of being totally in control of what happened next, and being able to immerse myself in my own fictitious lands.

Lol, yes I wrote fiction. And a lot of it haha. I won’t pretend that I’m damn good at it, but I noticed that my writing seemed to mould itself into a kind of-dare I say it-style of my own. There were days when I worked on perfecting this style everyday by developing the novels and stories I had in progress. Gosh I’m walking down memory lane here lol!

It all started when I was inspired by a friend I had when I was eleven (he was seventeen at the time) who opened the doors to the world of writing to me. I watched him complete (and read it at the same time) a futuristic novel that was entitled (if memory serves me correctly) The Legendary Space Marines. I swear to God it was the coolest thing I had read at the time-I still remember the plot action and the impact the climax had on me. I ain’t gonna share what I remember of the novel(it’s not mine after all) but it did show me how fun all this self-fiction could be.  

And so I began my first novel that 1999. It was called Legacy of The Fallen: Soul Reaver. It would end up as the first novel of a series that I would write in the years to come. 

Admittedly, the original novel is not the most original thing you’ll read-the novel was influenced heavily by a computer game that was very popular at the time: Legacy of Kain 2 (yeah yeah I know that even the titles are almost identical-I was ELEVEN okay >.<). Its sequels weren’t exactly chaste anti-plagiarizing angels either, borrowing heavily from Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings lol. But since it was for my own amusement I thought what the heck=D The novels focused on a select group of heroes, destined to protect mankind from a series of attacks from the nether realms. Corny, but again, what the heck! As if a pre-pubescent year old cared!=D

And so the series grew, with a novel (or novella) being completed every year:

1999-Legacy of the Fallen: Soul Reaver(29 pages)

2000-Legacy of the Fallen 2: The Five Prismic Warriors (22 pages)

2001-Legacy of the Fallen 3:  My Father’s Eyes (185 pages)

2002-Legacy of the Fallen 4: As Time Comes To An End (488 pages)-my personal favourite!!!=D

Sadly, I never finished the planned five books-Legacy of the Fallen 5 was written, under the title of Final Cut in 2004;I never finished it, abandoning the project when it was three quarters done….I felt that it wasn’t up to the standard set by the previous series. This was partially due to my experimentation with the time setting-the previous books featured the heroes battling it out in medieval times, but the final tussle was to take place in the future.

I was never able to properly incorporate the fighter jets and tachyon torpedoes of the fifth book into the place of huge kickass swords and flintlock rifles lol.

Indeed, I did experience the growth in writing that Eoin Colfer once spoke about-not only did I experiment with my time settings; in fact, Legacy of the Fallen 3 was the first to explore the relationships between father and son and chip away at the huge iceberg that some of us dare to call love and tenderness.

  Legacy of the Fallen 3=)

Legacy of the Fallen 4 featured the wars being dragged out to a bigger scale-the whole world joined the war lol. It also carried a better plot twist (previous ones were typical traitors from within lol) -the artefact that my band of heroes was supposed to arm turned out to be a fake; the true weapon they were searching for was the one they nearly destroyed in Legacy of the Fallen 2=p Bleh lol. God it was so much fun back then man.

 My Goblet of Fire for the LOTF series haha=D

And I didn’t stop with the LOTF series. Lol, never content! I wrote a few other works even when LOTF was still in production-there was the ghost-science fiction story called The House, which was initially an entree for a fiction contest (I didn’t win) but ended up being a tribute to my best buds. The House even spawned a sequel (The House 2-not the most creative name) and I remember readership was at an all time high at the time lol.

Which is pretty sad once you consider the fact that I had to make people the characters in the book before they would read it=(

That point aside, those days of pen-happy writing are long gone. I haven’t completed a single novel since 2002’s Legacy of the Fallen 4. I DID try, attempting to revive my writing by embarking on a whole new project in 2004….I called the project nOGarE (random name lol) which was to contain two whole new novels, Children of the Moon and Children of the Moon 2: Solar Offspring.

 Children of the Moon Ver 1.0

 Children of the Moon Ver 2.0

I never got it past the first book in the series. The first time I tried writing it, I got up to the halfway mark of the plot before failing to progress further. The second time I tried, I began by deciding to rehash and rewrite half the plot. Inspired and virtually blowing with passion and desire, I hauled the book past four chapters before finally grinding to an abrupt halt. Both times personal problems got in the way of the novel’s completion.

Tsk tsk tsk. I really miss that feeling of euphoria and the thrill of writing. I think it’s a feeling only fiction writers get lol! Again, I’m no Rowling but I can understand the desire to tell your own story, twist and tweak at it, and at the same time pull one’s control of the language to better heights. Will I ever get that feeling of euphoria ever again? God knows lol.

What I need is a reason to write. I want it to be selfless-the days of self pleasing are long over. I just want a reason to pull my pen out and work at something completely true to me, completely original because of the pressure evoked by other eyes.

Will that day ever come? I just wanna write again-a novel, a short story, anything!=( And I just wanna know how much of what I learned in English 4U will be able to be transferred to a work of my own.

Sigh. I miss my quill.

 PS-The writer of this post is currently trying to get himself started on a new piece of work he has had in his mind for quite some time. If ever it gets started, it’s working title will be Like Toy Soldiers. It is a short story, and the immediate benefactors of this work, however good or bad it might be, will be the Hot Chocolate webzine. Said webzine can be found (please please do find it!!! There are so many amazing writers out there!)  at hotchocmag.blogrunn.com.